I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone signed my nipple.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
