hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
