His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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