the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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