i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that