I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
please come you make the beer taste better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Jk probs not coming. Tequila