We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants