I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"