My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck