Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I look better un-naked...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition