Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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