Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
