i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
