dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
God I need to hump something, right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
