I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
