I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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