are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
