Already got asked if we're dating
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
