He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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