This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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