I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
