TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
