I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
