White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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