i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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