I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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