I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
