even my farts smell like vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
