We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
