She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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