there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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