It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
