Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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