grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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