She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
