She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
