I think my fart just growled at me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
