Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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