Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
