Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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