end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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