I cut my penus on the lid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
