Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
