Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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