that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
