My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize