Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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