Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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