Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The power of my boobs compel you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
