do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
