i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
