Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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