foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
should my penis look like a turkey
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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