I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
