Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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