You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
