herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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