Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
