Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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