Apparently you make a good broom.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
