i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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