So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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