Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
