i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
nutella sex= disaster
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
