i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
