the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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