I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
