soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
