It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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