It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
