apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
