Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
