so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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