Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
