i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize