I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize