On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
